Daily Prompts · Post A Day · Self Reflection · Uncategorized

None or All.

One by one and there I stood, right in front of the isle… the isle that brought you happiness and sometimes craziness too.

So much variety yet everything seemed the exact same to me…

Bitterness, sadness and anger took over while looking at each brand.

Why did you prefer that over us?

Did it make you happy, because if I recall correctly, most of the time, you were mad.

You have missed out on so much, if you would have only tried harder to stay and say goodbye to your pain in a different way…

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Daily Prompts · Post A Day · Self Reflection · Uncategorized

Who is in Control?

Lately, dealing with so many emotions has gotten me feeling so drained. We often know when it’s time to make a move, yet for some reason, we decide to stay stuck in the same place. When and how do you just say, “I’ve had it!” and make the change.

I want to be a role model for my kids, I want to be successful, I want to be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend and while wanting all this, I find me digging myself in a bigger hole. I try to tackle so many things at once and sometimes it’s just impossible to keep up.

So where is this all going you might ask… last week on my IG page I posted a picture that reads:

Most people are skeptical of what I do because society teaches us to look for JOBS not OPPORTUNITIES.

Why is that so true? For those that know me and by know me, I mean know me in person, not social media – Know that I have always  been a #HustleMom – I have tried so many avenues of work from home opportunities all while tackling a full-time job. Life is not easy, we all know that, but what really gets to me is when people start judging without knowing why you work as hard as you do.

If we worked as hard as we do on our 9-5’s on a business we are passionate about, wouldn’t you think you would be successful?

Finally though, I found something that is not only helping me grow emotionally, but also is helping me see myself as a leader. I have to admit, the residual income is good, but can be so much better if I work harder on it.

SO…my message to those that judge is – if you don’t like the post, go to the next, find some inspiration, rethink your situation and don’t assume that every thing is just a post.

One more thing – share your story, it will inspire others.

You have the control!

 

Daily Prompts · Post A Day · Self Reflection · Uncategorized

What would you do?

My Wednesday – It’s 10:50 a.m. – I am on my way out of work to get some fresh air and walk to get some lunch. As I am exiting the outside doors I see a kid with what seemed to me was having a seizure. I stop and don’t press the doors to open to call for help, I stand there perplexed at the scene that people are walking him by not stopping to check on him, nothing!

I see a attendant eating his lunch and asked him for help while security arrived. I work in a hospital so calling on the attendant was my 2nd best response to get the child help. Now here we both are standing trying to talk to him and he doesn’t respond. His body is shaking, his eyes are open but no response. Then I see his tears roll down his face and I break. He is holding a Metro flyer Line 745… I’m asking myself “where are his parents?”

Security arrives and to my surprise they know his name… Sergio. A regular at our Emergency Department. I know the staff needs to follow procedures and I stand there while cops arrive as well. He is 13 years old, and again I wonder where are the parents. The kid has problems and who is helping him? Who would let him fend for himself at that age? My head is running in circles with so many questions, none to which I can get answers to.

His still sitting there by the wall and then it’s like he wakes up and nothing has happened. The staff tells me to move back and there it was, he is standing now and now he looks angry – looks at all of us and takes out a small knife from his jacket. The social worker on site was there right next to me and is explaining the situation. My heart is breaking at this point and oddly enough I wasn’t scared that he would hurt me… I was scared for him. I don’t work with patients. I’m just there waiting for him to get help.

I stayed until I watched paramedics do their job and take him on a gurney. I walked and I swear I felt like I was floating… What a tough job all those people there have.

Today I earned a different level of respect for the Security Staff, for the Social Worker, for the attendant that assisted me and didn’t leave either until Sergio was taken away. For the Police officers and for the paramedics. At that point when I am breaking, I see their eyes and I can see them all hurting for this child as well. I hope he gets the help that he needs.

pencil

Post A Day · Self Reflection · Uncategorized

Trichotillomania – Really hard to deal with…

The story of T is not only a story. It’s not because my name is Thelma and begins with a “T” but far more than others know about me. This is my open book, not always pretty, not always happy – but true.

Living with Trichotillomania (Hair pulling disorder) has been difficult. Not many know that I deal with it daily. To some it’s not that “important” but it’s taking a toll on me. I believe it started when I was around 13 or 14 years old that I felt the need to pull that first string of hair from my head and to this day – I CAN’T STOP!

It is a constant battle to sit and try to have a good time without having to constantly have my hand direct itself to my head and pull and pull and pull some more. Now at 34, I have realized that I need help or I will end up bald. I am actually VERY surprised that I do not have any bald spots yet.

There’s so much stress, anxiety and depression in me that it obviously doesn’t help when I feel alone.

After talking to my doctor who offered a referral, I didn’t go scared that I would be put on medication to make it stop. Then the real anxiety came just thinking if something is wrong with my brain… I just can’t stop.

So today again, I decided to reach out to my doctor for help. There’s other events going on in my life right now that are making it worse. Do I need help? Yes!

My type of Trich is described as:

  • Focused. Some people pull their hair intentionally to relieve tension or distress — for example, pulling hair out to get relief from the overwhelming urge to pull hair. Some people may develop elaborate rituals for pulling hair, such as finding just the right hair or biting pulled hairs.

I am so tired of feeling worthless, feeling depressed, feeling lonely. 

So getting self-help is my next step to recovery from this OCD.

I wish I knew more people dealing with the same thing…

To find out more about this disorder, follow the link and read more about it. Perhaps, there’s someone you know who isn’t able to talk about it.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/trichotillomania/basics/definition/con-20030043


Next time someone sits down with you to discuss what they are going through, make sure you pay attention. It might be a cry out for help. We tend to listen to everyone else, except the ones we love.

They say you don’t need to be alone to feel lonely and that is so true.

Daily Prompts · Post A Day · Self Reflection · Uncategorized

Not the Mom I thought I was…

Being a mother has been one of the most beautiful gifts, the most rewarding gift actually I have ever received.

Although my children range in ages 4-9, I am still to this day learning to be a “good” mom. The type of mom that everyone looks up to. The type of mom that I always hoped to be… But sadly, I am not.

Growing up I had both mom and dad. I saw them at their best and I also saw them at their worse. I saw when the love was slowly dying. With that came a bit of change in my mom. My mom was a tough lady. I knew she loved me, although she hardly told me until I was a mother myself. She played with us (my sister and I) and did everything possible to give us what they could. But I also remember how cold she could be at times… again, I knew she loved us.

The tough part for me now is watching me slowly turn into her.

I work long hours, have a long commute, so I don’t get to spend as much time w/ my kids as I would like to. When I do get home, I am happy to see them but then something changes in me. Although it’s difficult to admit, it upsets me when they talk to me when I just want 5 minutes to myself.

So yesterday while scrolling through FB, I came across an article about how adults should reconsider how they talk to children. Although the video was about how kids deal with adult behaviors at school, it affected me. It wasn’t just the fact that I wondered if my own children are going through that at school… It was because I saw me acting like that towards them.

While they were drinking their chocolate milk last night, I mentioned the video to them and asked them to watch it with me. I told them to be honest at the end and tell me what they understood from it.

I also told them that I love them even though I don’t always show it and I hope they know I do.

  • My 4 year old responded with… “it’s sad how the people are not really nice in the first part but then they are.”
  • My 7 year old responded with… “It’s ok mom, we know you are tired… I love you mommy.”
  • My 9 year old (which is the one that I tend to clash with the most) laughed. So I asked if he paid attention to the video and he said “yes but you are still always mad at me.”

I didn’t know how to take that because he was right. So again I told them that I love them and that I don’t want them to think that I don’t.

Am I ashamed of myself? Absolutely! I am not that “fierce” after all. I feel like the worst mom in the world. But the fact that I am able to write about this and admit that I am not that great mom is a big step for me. Somewhere out there, someone probably feels the same as I do.

Some of us don’t know how to deal w/ our daily situations and tend to take out our emotions with the ones we love the most.

I don’t want them to grow up hating me… I know there’s a lot that I need to change in me.

Hope you have a minute to watch the video… My entire blog might make a little bit more sense after.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/eye-opening-video-will-make-adults-reconsider-the-way-they-talk-to-children_us_57b36f62e4b0edfa80d9ddcc?kwp_0=209143

It has been said, “time heals all wounds.” I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, cover them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. 

 

 

 

 

Daily Prompts · Post A Day · Self Reflection · Uncategorized

Daily Prompt: Carry

via Daily Prompt: Carry

 

The Token I carry

And now that we are just one item,

and share the magic of a lifetime

A promise between you and me,

Is a token that will always mean – I love you!©

 

I wrote this before I got married back in 2003 – This is part of my writings of song lyrics I worked on for a while. I eventually made it a poem… I planned on singing it at my wedding but was too shy to do so. I don’t like to say I regret things but I do regret not singing this at my wedding.

 

Daily Prompts · Post A Day · Self Reflection · Uncategorized

My hands are made for so much more…

What are your hands made for?

I had never really paid attention to this thought until today. I listened to a great Entrepreneur yesterday on my drive to work. His name is Gary Vaynerchuk better known as Gary V. and if you are not following him on SnapChat (GaryVee), you should go do so now.

I get caught up trying to work on so many things at times that sometimes I shut down. But I do know one thing, I am unstoppable! I like to say that I am a hard working mother of 3 who somehow still manages to work on a few side projects.  I find the passion in reading and writing poetry, that’s what I have always loved to do. Sometimes though, time just goes by so quick and before I know it, I’ve skipped a day or three away from here.

So going back to my first paragraph on Gary. He said a few things that stuck to my little head. Here’s a few tips for those of you trying to make it in anything it is that you are passionate about:

  • Try to figure yourself out.
  • Don’t care about what OTHERS think!
  • Show your ambition in actions and not words.
  • If you lack patience, You won’t succeed. (This one struck a nerve a bit)
  • Listen to yourself.
  • Do things even if they make you uncomfortable.
  • WE ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE!
  • Be Ambitious!

So to you who are trying to start a business, Don’t give up. Apply a mindset and remember that you know 0 people who has become successful that did not put in hours and hours of work. Positivity needs a Movement!

So instead of putting someone down (or letting someone put you down) for being a hustler type of person, encourage and support them.

Whatever your hands find to do, do with all your strength!